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“I’ve Discovered My Husband Only Married Me for a UK Visa – What Do I Do?” | Muslim Agony Uncle Series

In our agony uncle series, we tackle the difficult questions facing Muslims today. This week, we address a heartbreaking situation that unfortunately affects more people than many realise.

Want some advice? Our CEO Shaz tackles some of your dilemmas in this video ⬇️

Dear Agony Uncle,

I’m a 28-year-old British Muslim woman, and I’m absolutely devastated. After two years of marriage, I’ve discovered that my husband only married me to get his UK visa sorted. I found messages on his phone where he was telling his mates back home that he’d “secured his papers” and could divorce me once he gets indefinite leave to remain. We met through family, and I genuinely thought this was a proper marriage built on love and Islamic values. I feel completely used and humiliated. What should I do? I’m too embarrassed to tell my family.

– Heartbroken in Birmingham

When Sacred Bonds Are Broken by Deception

What people don’t realise is that this situation is far more common than many people, it is a tale as old as time. First and foremost, please remember this is not your fault. You entered this marriage with genuine intentions, following Islamic principles and trusting in what you believed was a sincere commitment from your husband, a betrayal of your trust is not something you have control over.

Understanding Marriage Fraud in the Muslim Community

Marriage fraud – where someone marries solely to obtain immigration benefits – is a serious issue that affects communities across Britain. The Islamic concept of marriage is built on mutual respect, love, and the intention to build a life together. When someone exploits this sacred institution for personal gain, they’re not only betraying their spouse but also violating fundamental Islamic principles. There is no way as a Muslim to justify tricking someone into a marriage under false pretences.

What should you do in this situation? 1. Gather Evidence Carefully

If you’ve found proof of your husband’s true intentions, document it safely. Screenshots of messages, emails, or recorded conversations could be crucial if you decide to take legal action. Store these securely and consider making copies.

2. Seek Islamic Guidance

Consult with a trusted Imam or Islamic scholar about your situation. They can provide spiritual guidance on how Islamic law views marriages entered into under false pretences and what options are available to you from a religious perspective.

3. Consider Legal Advice

Marriage fraud is a criminal offence in the UK and many other countries. Speaking with a solicitor who specialises in immigration and family law can help you understand your rights and options. Many offer initial consultations at no cost.

4. Protect Your Financial Interests

If you have joint accounts, property, or other shared assets, consider how to protect yourself financially. Your husband may attempt to secure as much as possible before any divorce proceedings, especially if his intentions for the marriage were about personal gain.

The Emotional Impact: You’re Not Alone

Experiencing a betrayal like this can make you feel isolated and many people can often feel embarrassed, even though it is nothing to feel embarrassed about. It is important to remember that you are not alone and there are so many people who sadly, have dealt with similar situations. Try and remember that even though this marriage may not have worked out, Allah (SWT), has someone better in store for you and this is not the be all end all.

If you are really struggling, consider reaching out to:

Muslim counselling services that understand both the cultural and religious aspects of your situation Support groups for people who’ve experienced marriage fraud Trusted friends or family members who can provide emotional support Dealing with Family and Community Pressure

The fear of family disappointment and community gossip often keeps women silent about marriage fraud. However, remember that not everyone is entitled to your personal life. Although it can be helpful to open up to close people in your life about what you are going through, you are under no obligation to share this personal information with other people and you have every right to keep what happened to yourself until you are ready to share, if you ever want to.

Spiritual Healing

Many women find comfort in reconnecting with their faith during this difficult time. Regular prayer, reading Quran, and seeking Allah’s guidance can provide strength and clarity as you navigate this challenging period. Allah (SWT) does not ever give you a challenge that you cannot handle, although it may seem like meaningless pain now, there is something greater planned for you.

A Message of Hope

Whilst your current situation feels overwhelming, please remember that countless women have survived similar betrayals and gone on to find genuine happiness and love. Your worth is not diminished by someone else’s deception and being a divorcee does not make you less of a woman.

Take this one day at a time, seek the support you need, and trust that Allah has a plan for you that doesn’t involve being exploited or deceived.

Disclaimer: This advice is for guidance only and should not replace professional legal, medical, or therapeutic support. Always seek appropriate professional help for your specific situation.

History of Hajj and the First Pilgrimage:

Every year in the final month of the Islamic calendar, Dhul Al-Hijjah millions of muslims from around the globe embark on the Hajj pilgrimage. A pillar of islam, that is obligatory on financially capable muslims who are physically and mentally fit.The rituals of Hajj date back to around 4000 years ago, when Prophet Ibrahim AS was ordered by Allah SWT to leave his wife, Hajera (Hager) and infant son, Ismail in the desert; that would later come to be known as Makkah. The act of running between Safa and Marwa is replicating Hajera RA when she ran between the hills, looking for water for her son. It was then, when Angel Gibrael AS appeared and the spring of zamzam burst forth from the ground. The availability of water led to civilization there and eventually when Ibrahim AS was ordered to return to his family, Ibrahim AS and Ismail As to reconstruct the Kaaba and establish it as a place solely for the worship of Allah (SWT). This event is mentioned in the Quran as follows:And ˹remember˺ when Abraham raised the foundation of the House with Ishmael, ˹both praying,˺ “Our Lord! Accept ˹this˺ from us. You are indeed the All-Hearing, All-Knowing. (Quran 2:127)However, over time the Kaaba lost its monotheistic purity, and became a place of idol worship and polytheistic religious practice. In the year 630 AD, the prophet led his followers from Medina to Mecca, destroying the idols and re-dedicating the site to the worship of the one God. Two years later, he performed the first ever Islamic pilgrimage, laying out to his followers the rituals of the Hajj.  

Maximize your Reward: 10 best days of Dhul Al-Hijjah

One may not be able to embark on Hajj, but can still reap multiple benefits during the Holy month of Dhul Al-Hijjah.“There are no days during which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allah than these days,” meaning the (first) ten days of Dhul- Hijjah. They said: “O Messenger of Allah! Not even Jihad in the cause of Allah?” He said: “Not even Jihad in the cause of Allah, unless a man goes out with himself and his wealth and does not bring anything back.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)These 10 days of Dhul Al-Hijjah, give Muslims a once-in-a-lifetime chance to redeem themselves and gain immense blessings and rewards. So, what can be done to gain maximum reward and forgiveness in these ten days?

Fasting: It is sunnah to fast the first nine days of Dhul Al-Hijjah as Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) used to fast during these days. Especially it is highly recommended to fast on the Day of Arafah(9th Dhul Al-Hijjah) as it is the most blessed day of the year. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “It (fasting on the Day of ‘Arafah) expiates the sins of the past year and the coming year.” (Muslim) Quran: Reciting the Holy Quran in the sacred days of Dhul Hijjah is one of the best acts of worship that one can perform to seek the blessings of Allah SWT. Dhikr and Tahajjud: Increase your dhikr. In Makkah, the Talbiyah will be on every pilgrim’s tongue throughout the day and night; whilst every Muslim should praise and remember Allah constantly. Engage in worship in the last third of the night, remember Allah SWT is closest to the servant during this time. Ask Allah SWT for rizq, sustenance, good health, forgiveness and right guidance. Repent and give sadaqah: During these 10 days, repeatedly ask for forgiveness and also engage in voluntary acts of charity. Remember even the smallest acts such as a smile, or a helping hand, are seen as acts of sadaqah.

Types of Hajj:

There are three types of Hajj: Tamattu’, Ifrad and Qiran.

Al-Tamattu: In this mode, a person enters the state of Ihram for Umrah alone, saying, “Allahumma Labbaik ‘Umrah.” After completing the Umrah, they exit the state of Ihram. Later, when the time for Hajj arrives, they enter the state of Ihram for Hajj from Makkah, and as part of the Tamattu pilgrimage, they must offer a sacrifice. This is considered the easiest way. Al-Ifrad: In this mode, a person enters the state of Ihram for Hajj alone, saying, “Allahumma Labbaik Hajj.” They do not need to offer a sacrifice. Al-Qiran: This mode involves entering the state of Ihram for both Hajj and Umrah together, saying, “Allahumma Labbaik Hajj and ‘Umrah.” The Qiran pilgrim follows the same actions as the Ifrad pilgrim but must also offer a sacrifice. How to perform Hajj – Key steps in Hajj: Arrival in Makkah – The very first rite of Hajj is to make a pure intention and to enter ihram – when crossing the outer boundaries of Mecca, called Miqat. The pilgrims then set their intention for the type of Hajj they will be performing and accordingly perform Umrah. 8th Dhul Hijjah (Mina, the tent city) – After concluding tawaf and sai,  the pilgrims travel by foot on pilgrim paths or take a bus for the 8km (five-mile) journey to Mina, a tent city just outside of Makkah. The pilgrims spend the day in Mina, setting out the next morning at dawn for Mt.Arafat. Most of the time in Mina is spent in prayer, supplications and remembering Allah (God). 9th Dhul Hijjah (Day of Arafah) – During the second day of Hajj, 9th day of Dhu-al-Hijjah, pilgrims travel to Arafat from Mina reciting Istaghfar and making supplications. Upon reaching Mount Arafat, pilgrims observe Duhr and Asr combined with Qasar prayers near the Jabal al-Rahmah from noon to sunset. This act is known as Waquf (standing before Allah). Muzdalifah – Post sunset, pilgrims head to Muzadalifah (a town between Mina and Mt. Arafat) to observe the evening prayers and rest the night until Fajr prayers in preparation for the next day’s ritual of stoning the devil. Pilgrims also collect pebbles here for Rami (stoning of the jamarat – pillars). 10th Dhul Hijjah (Eid Day) – After performing Fajr Salah on the 10th of Dhul Hijjah you will depart Muzdalifah and go back towards Mina while continuously reciting the Talbiyah. On this day, Pilgrims perform the Hady Qurbani (sacrificial animal) and also commence the first of three days ’stoning of the devil’s rite or Rami. Shave/Trim Hair (Halq/Taqsir) – Men should get their head completely shaved, or get their hair clipped. While women are forbidden to shave their heads and only allowed to have a lock or strand of their hair clipped. Return to Makkah – Perform Tawaf Al Ifadah and Sai. 11th, 12th and 13th Dhul Al Hijjah – The stoning ritual is repeated by throwing pebbles at two other monuments other than Jamrat al Aqabah – Jamrat Oolah (the first Jamrat) and Jamrat Wustah (middle Jamrat). The pilgrim may leave for Makkah at the evening of Dhul Al Hijjah, but if he remains in Mina then the ritual of stoning must be performed on 13th Dhul Al Hijjah as well. Farewell Tawaf – The next and the final step is the farewell Tawaf (Tawaf al-Wida ), bringing an end to the hajj rituals. Required permits for Hajj:

The permits are available through the Nusuk platform. The Ministry of Interior, in partnership with SDAIA, launched the Tasreeh Platform to streamline Hajj permit issuance. Integrated with the Nusuk platform, it authorizes access to Makkah and the holy sites for pilgrims, workers, volunteers, and transport vehicles. It is imperative to hold a Hajj permit, or individuals risk severe penalties.

Preparing oneself for Hajj:

Hajj is a journey that requires more than just spiritual intention, it is tough on your body physically and mentally. To have a fulfilling Hajj, preparing oneself with ample resources and exercise, will help in completing it successfully. Below are some tips you can follow to prepare yourself for this once in a lifetime’s journey.

Physical Prep

Exercise: Hajj requires lots of physical strength and stamina. Engage yourself in exercise in months prior to Hajj! Go on walks daily and build your stamina.   Boost your immunity: Start eating healthy and practice habits that boost your immunity prior to Hajj. For example, taking honey daily, eating vegetables, dates, healthy fats like avocado, etc.  Preventive care: Carry medicine that suits you from your home country and other supplements such as cough drops, vitamin C, etc. Take medicine as soon as you feel sick, and seek medical help as soon as you can. Supplies: Make a specific list for the days of Hajj before you leave for Mina (i.e. stuff you will pack in your backpack) Take your ‘worship tools’ to use during the waiting time. A lot of times people find themselves without anything to do during the long stretches. Come prepared with a Quran, seerah (biography of the Prophet PBUH) book, or dhikr (remembrance/prayer) beads. Dua book: Having a small notebook with a few supplications as well dua you intend to make can be extremely helpful. This will help you meet your dua goals and ensure no dua is forgotten. 

Mental & Spiritual Prep

Know the requirements of performing Hajj: Familiarise yourself with the rites of Hajj to avoid any confusion and make  notes accordingly. It’s common to not know details, thus it’s important to seek knowledge before Hajj.   Build a Strategy: Lay down a plan on how you will spend your days and download the apps required to visit certain areas like rawdah in advance.  Surrender to Allah swt: Get in the right mindset by surrendering yourself to Allah (swt). You are going on Hajj, you will be tested in different ways so remind yourself to be patient and not to complain. You are invited as Allah’s guests so use the correct manners that a guest should have. As a bonus, try to catch yourself before reacting negatively to a test by acknowledging that what is making you upset is the test. Day of Arafah: Use the full day of Arafah for worship—not just the time after Asr (late afternoon prayer). Many people fall into this trap and spend time sitting, eating and talking on the most important day of Hajj and only start making dua after Asr.The Prophet ﷺ  used to make dua the entire day and intensified the supplication after Asr.  Ask Allah for help & Istighfar: Remember this is a journey of a lifetime, so set your intentions and ask Allah for help repeatedly – ask Allah for guidance, ease, hidayah, acceptance, good companionship and forgiveness! Lessons that can be drawn from Hajj for Marriage:

The journey of Hajj can actually prepare you for marriage, both instances hold many values that lay the foundation for a successful journey. 

Marriage, like Hajj, begins with intention and commitment. Just as every pilgrim begins their sacred journey with a sincere niyyah (intention) for the sake of Allah, a successful marriage is built on the foundation of honest, heartfelt commitment to one’s partner—also for the sake of pleasing Allah. When both partners dedicate themselves to this journey with clarity and sincerity, the union becomes not just a worldly arrangement, but a sacred act of worship.

Both Hajj and marriage require sacrifice and patience. The journey of Hajj is marked by physical and emotional trials—long walks, intense heat, crowded spaces—all of which cultivate sabr (patience) and humility. Similarly, marriage challenges individuals to sacrifice ego, prioritize their spouse’s needs, and invest in the relationship even when it’s difficult. True love in marriage grows not from taking, but from giving—time, effort, and compassion. 

Forgiveness and renewal are central to both journeys. Hajj offers believers a chance for spiritual cleansing, seeking Allah’s mercy and returning home renewed. In the same way, marriage is an ongoing process of renewal—of forgiving mistakes, healing wounds, and striving to improve together. Just as pilgrims return transformed, couples who approach their relationship with mercy and a willingness to grow can continuously rediscover peace and harmony. 

Overall, what Hajj requires is patience, tawakkal, and sincere intention –  a journey of a lifetime that should change you for lifetime and push you towards goodness. May Allah make it easy for all pilgrims and invite all muslims for this beautiful journey! Remember, even if you are not going for Hajj, there is ample reward to collect in the first ten day of Dhul Hijjah – don’t miss out! May Allah accept all our efforts! 

“If we argue, something must be wrong with our marriage.”

We’re conditioned to believe that conflict in marriage is a sign of failure, that a “good” relationship is one where we never fight. But let me tell you: conflict is not the problem. It’s how we handle it that matters.In fact, avoiding conflict can do far more damage to a relationship than having disagreements. Here’s why—and how you can transform your approach to conflict in marriage.

Avoidance Feels Peaceful, But It’s Actually Dangerous.

When we avoid conflict, it might feel like we’re keeping the peace. We think we’re saving each other from hurt feelings or unnecessary stress. But here’s the truth: avoiding conflict is a form of avoidance itself. It might seem like you’re keeping things calm on the surface, but underneath, resentment builds.Think about it: when you don’t talk about an issue, it doesn’t disappear. It lingers. It quietly erodes the emotional connection in your marriage.

Signs that conflict is being avoided in your relationship include:• You feel like you can’t talk about certain issues without arguing.• You avoid deep conversations to keep things “easy.”• You find yourself quietly angry or upset, but not expressing it.• When a problem arises, you withdraw emotionally instead of discussing it.All of this can lead to feeling disconnected—even if there’s no outward fighting. And that’s where the real problem lies.

Conflict Isn’t the Problem—It’s How We Approach It

The real issue is how we handle conflict. Disagreements are natural; they don’t have to mean the end of the world. In fact, when approached the right way, conflict can actually strengthen your marriage.The Prophet ﷺ demonstrated the best way to approach conflict: with ihsan (excellence), mercy, and patience. He didn’t avoid difficult moments in his marriage. He handled them with kindness, wisdom, and a deep understanding of the other person’s feelings.Here’s what the Prophet ﷺ taught us:“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)This hadith highlights how we should approach our spouses, especially when things get difficult. The best of us are those who approach conflict not with anger, but with care.

Healthy Conflict: What Does It Look Like?

Healthy conflict is about expressing your needs and feelings without attacking your spouse. It’s about seeing the disagreement as an opportunity to better understand each other and to grow together.

Here’s what healthy conflict looks like:

• Naming your needs: Be honest about how you feel, but do so with respect and gentleness.• Taking breaks when needed: Sometimes, stepping away for a moment to cool down can prevent things from escalating.• Listening without defensiveness: Truly hear your spouse’s side of the story, even if you disagree.• Choosing repair over being right: It’s not about winning the argument—it’s about reconnecting.

Steps to Repair After a Fight

No one likes fighting, but it’s part of every relationship. The most important part, though, is how you repair the relationship afterward. Here are three steps to help you repair after a conflict:1. Regulate: Take a few minutes to calm your body and mind. Avoid reacting impulsively.2. Reflect: Ask yourself, “What was really going on for me during that fight?” Understanding your own feelings and needs helps you communicate them better.3. Reconnect: After cooling off, approach your spouse with gentleness and a desire to repair. You don’t need to have all the answers, but acknowledging the need for connection can go a long way.

A Final Reminder: You’re Not Failing—You’re Growing

If you and your spouse argue, it doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re growing. The Prophet ﷺ showed us that disagreements are an opportunity to build empathy, trust, and a deeper connection. By addressing conflict with ihsan and compassion, you create a bond that is resilient, loving, and rooted in mutual respect.Healthy marriages aren’t those without conflict—they’re those that have learned how to navigate it with care. You don’t need perfection, you need presence.

Let’s Talk

Do you tend to avoid conflict, or is it something you’re still learning to navigate in your marriage? Share your thoughts in the comments below—let’s support each other in building stronger, more compassionate relationships.

Article written by Ayesha Aslam, Director and Founder of Sakoon Counselling.

Sakoon Counselling is a UK-based service dedicated to providing faith and culturally-sensitive therapy. Sakoon is one of the leading providers of counselling for the Muslim community in the UK with clients across the globe,Ayesha is a passionate advocate for breaking mental health stigmas in the Muslim community and continues to lead efforts in integrating faith and therapy. Recently, she has released the first full fledged Muslim mental health app, Muslim Mood Fit.

This Mental Health Awareness Week, take a moment to look after yourself. If you wish to start your therapy journey, book an appointment with Sakoon for a range of services to fit your needs.